Nice to Meet You

I feel like I’m meeting and getting to know my body for the first time. I am 44 years old. 

A year ago I tried an elimination diet. A video by Dr. Mark Hyman was sent to me by a friend after explaining to him that I’d been dealing with psoriasis for years and that medication had only gotten me so far. I had shaved my head in an attempt to alleviate my scalp psoriasis symptoms. That helped tremendously, but I still had slightly red, patchy skin, and applied moisturizers several times a day. In the video, Dr. Hyman gives a list of foods that are possible culprits of conditions such as psoriasis and eczema. The list is long. Dairy, wheat/gluten, corn, soy, and any foods containing lectins (which are too many to list here). It would have been easier to give a list of foods I could eat. But, I was tired of the itch, tired of feeling self-conscious, tired of applying steroids (which thins the skin over time), so I figured I’d try. Besides, it was recommended to eliminate these foods for 3 to 4 weeks, then slowly reintroduce them one at a time to determine the culprit(s). I could suffer a lot for 3 weeks if it meant not suffering a little for the rest of my life. This was in March of 2022. It is now May of 2023, and not only have I not added many of those foods back in, but I have removed some others as well. Why?

Because I have never felt better in my entire life.

I set out to alleviate psoriasis and alleviated not only that but also my mental and physical exhaustion, my anxiety, my depression, my digestion issues (we’re talking sitting on a toilet with a trash can in my lap issues), gas and bloating, and least important to me, I lost nearly 40 pounds in four or five months and my weight hasn’t fluctuated since. I say least important because I did not care about being “thin,” but what I did care about was being able to bend over to tie my shoes without being uncomfortable and finding it hard to breathe, being able to squat down to reach a cabinet without finding it hard to stand back up. With the weight loss and all the other physical and mental health improvements, my quality of life improved drastically. 

The next stage was exercise. Being able to move around more with ease made me want to move around more. I had never exercised because there was so little I could do and trying to jog or lift weights felt so defeating. One day I was helping my partner do some concrete work. We were lifting 80 lb. bags of concrete and moving them. I felt so useless. I could only lift what was already at waist height and could only move two or three steps before dropping the bag.  I told my partner I wanted to get strong, strong enough to lift and carry a bag of concrete at least ten feet. I also admitted that I had never been able to do a single push-up on my toes, nor could I do a single pull-up. He was a former personal trainer, so he created a beginners workout routine for me. That was in June of 2022. In February of 2023, I carried a bag of concrete from one aisle of Home Depot to the next aisle over. I turned to my partner with a grin on my face and said, “Look what I’m doing. Look! Look what I’m doing! Hahaha.” 

Last week I did four push-ups. 

I’m still working on the pull-up.

Several times over the last few months I have looked in the mirror and spotted a muscle that wasn’t there before. This morning, as I was getting in the shower, I saw an ab.  😂 Just the one. (Well, two – one on each side.) I sent a picture to my partner and said “Look, an ab!”  And that gave me pause. I worried that I might be slipping into a superficial view of myself, becoming concerned with how I look. After all, that used to be my primary concern. For years I hated my body for how it looked. I did the dieting, calorie counting thing, lost weight, gained it back and then some, over and over again. 

But that’s not what this moment was about. After all, my stomach is covered in loose skin and wrinkly stretch marks. I will never have a “bikini body” by societal standards. I wasn’t thinking, Ooo, look at my sexy ab. Lol  I was thinking, Look at the change in my body. Here’s something that wasn’t there before. I’m fascinated by how much more aware of what’s going on in my body I am than I used to be. I have so much more awareness of my own bones, and muscles, and organs than ever before. I’m so much more aware of what my body can do and is capable of doing. I am 44 years old, and I am meeting and getting to know my body for the first time. I can’t wait to see what else she can do.